Multiamory’s Journey to 400+ Episodes AND a Book! 📕
A threesome of podcasting OGs share how they did it
Hi Besties!
We’re celebrating the book launch of some fellow podcasters today. Not only do the co-hosts of Multiamory have over 400 episodes under their belts, but now they’re published authors, as well. Their new book Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships is a curated collection of the podcast’s most popular communication tools, advice, and wisdom that have helped thousands of listeners improve their communication and create healthy relationships… it’s very good, you should buy a copy!
The Multiamory podcast started back in 2014, when Jase Lindgren, Emily Sotelo Matlack, and Dedeker Winston joined forces to raise awareness, provide approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with millions of downloads around the world and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. Multiamory has been featured in numerous publications, including NPR, Vice, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, Cosmopolitan, and Elle. In addition to their national tours, they have presented at the Google campus in Seattle and have been keynote speakers and presenters at numerous conferences.
Long story short: The Multiamory crew has been podcasting for nearly a decade, and they’re crushing it, so for today’s Q&A, we’re going to deconstruct how they made it all happen.
But first, a quick word from our presenting sponsor (that just so happens to be a writing podcast I adore!).
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Y’all are OG podcasters. What's the Multiamory origin story?
JL: Back in 2014, the three of us found that there were very few resources (and only one podcast) that were giving information and advice about non-monogamous relationships. As a long-time fan of podcasts myself, I suggested that we start one of our own, and surprisingly, Dedeker and Emily said yes! The show started as an informal, informational show about polyamory, focused on destigmatizing and demystifying consensual non-monogamy. Over the years, we have included more research, a broader range of relationship types, and developed communication tools to help solve essential relationship challenges. Today the podcast is for anybody who wants to improve their relationships proactively, whether they are monogamous, polyamorous, swinging, casually dating, or anything else.
You've now done over 400 episodes of Multiamory. First of all, congrats! What's your all-time favorite episode, and why?
ESM: This is such a hard question to answer because it’s ever-changing and evolving. I really loved a very recent episode with guest Alyssa Gonzalez, 416 - Neurodiversity and the Benefits and Challenges of Non-Monogamy. I love getting perspectives from people who are different than we are because I feel we and the audience get a ton of value from those conversations. Our Q&A episodes are always some of the most fun to do because we get the opportunity to hear from our Patreon community and have them ask us questions that we then discuss on the show. In terms of an episode that has been downloaded and discussed by listeners a ton over the years, 178 - The Basics of Boundaries has been a really important one for us. I love our unique take on the difference between rules, agreements, and boundaries, which we explore in-depth in our new book!
Where do you recommend first-time Multiamory listeners start?
DW: We recently curated a collection of ten episodes that we call our “Multiamory Fundamentals” series. Most of these episodes cover communication tools and concepts that we come back to and reference again and again during our episodes. This includes one of our most popular episodes of all time, where we introduced our RADAR tool, a formula for having relationship check-ins. We re-uploaded these episodes so that they would be the first ten episodes in our feed for people who are new to the show.
What was the audience growth trajectory for your show? Were there any specific milestones along the way?
JL: Our audience growth has been gradual and consistent, mainly through word of mouth. Especially when we started the podcast, most of our listeners wouldn’t post about it publicly out of fear that it would out them as polyamorous, so our initial growth was slow but steady. As the podcast has expanded beyond just non-monogamy and the public is becoming more familiar with non-traditional relationships, we have noticed many more people sharing and posting about our episodes. Years ago, we set a goal of 1,200 supporters on Patreon, thinking it was a pie-in-the-sky goal, but we hit it back in 2019 and asked our supporters what they most wanted us to do. The resounding answer was to write a book, which took much longer than expected, but we’re so excited to finally release it this year!
What have you found to be the best way to promote your show, and has that changed over the years?
ESM: Good old-fashioned word of mouth has been surprisingly beneficial to the show over the years! My other job is working at a vegan restaurant in Los Angeles, and I can’t tell you how many subscribers we’ve gained from just simply talking about it to customers who are interested (and how many people have come up to me to say how much they love the show)! Additionally, advertising our Patreon community on the show every week has been great for growth. Finally, we are starting to see a rise in our numbers from cross-promotion opportunities and appearances on other shows, as well. It’s been great to guest not only on shows within our Pleasure Podcasts network but also on other shows centered around non-monogamy and bettering relationship communication skills.
How has your approach to making the content changed over the years?
DW: In the early days, we didn’t do any episode planning ahead of time. We would get together, brainstorm a topic, and write down talking points on a whiteboard. We didn’t have a great recording setup, so we would huddle around one microphone, cramming ourselves and the whiteboard under one heavy blanket for sound absorption. We were all in Los Angeles, so it would get too warm pretty quick, which meant we were often recording in our underwear! Happy to report that we have grown up from our sweaty blanket/whiteboard/underwear days and now record with our own professional audio setups. We also began to pour more effort and time into episode writing, roping in more research studies and paying attention to the topics that were coming up in our Patreon community. We eventually brought on a few research assistants to help with the slog of reading (and understanding) academic studies and parsing them into a more digestible format for the listener.
How does the Multiamory business work? What are the methods of podcast monetization you’ve explored, and what works best for your show? Do you have any employees or contractors?
ESM: We have been so fortunate to have a show that has seen steady growth over the last five years. I would say the first three years were us simply doing this show as a labor of love and not seeing much from it monetization-wise. What really started to work for us was creating a Patreon page where we began amassing a group of like-minded people who were interested in polyamory and bettering their relationship communication skills. Through the creation of first a private Facebook group for our patrons and later a Discord community, we have seen our Patreon growth rise a ton over the years! Additionally, we have advertising opportunities through Pleasure Podcasts, which we joined in 2019. Our amazing team of contractors consists of an editor, two research assistants, and two production assistants. Additionally, we utilize the talents of Britney Walters at Brand Desk to design and run our social media. We wouldn’t have gotten this far without our incredible team!
What’s your #1 piece of advice for successfully podcasting as a business?
JL: Creating any kind of content is a constant balance between hard work and creative expression. If you’re starting a podcast, find a concept you enjoy enough to keep you going during the weeks when you really don’t feel like it, and create a show that aligns with your values. You should always be motivated to make the best possible podcast, finding ways to uplevel your performance and update your show but don’t let perfection be the enemy of good. You will always find things to improve, but if you enjoy your topic and your show does something to make the world a better place — even in a small way — that process will be less painful and much more rewarding.
With three co-hosts who are all used to communicating their needs within non-monogamous relationships, how do you divide responsibilities in a way that works for everyone? Are there “rules” you have for your co-hosting or working together dynamic? How do you navigate disagreements related to the show?
DW: We’ve been extremely lucky that we happen to get along so well, not only as friends but as business partners and co-producers too. We’ve made our best efforts to make sure the division of labor feels equitable, but we also try to shift responsibilities as needed to enable everyone to still live their best life outside of the podcast. One example is that Emily routinely gets hired as a professional vocalist by Disney and gets sent on international contracts, so we will move around recording schedules and try to be flexible around dramatic differences in time zones. An important takeaway from navigating non-monogamy is acknowledging that everyone has priorities outside of our shared project. While full-time podcasting is still our dream, all three of us have other work, relationships, interests, and life goals! Our ability to make space for each of us to flourish in that way and honor multiple priorities has been key.
Of course, disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. There are so many creative decisions to be made, and we’ve had to navigate small, quibbling differences in taste all the way up to emotionally charged disputes over big-picture, course-altering decisions for the business. We’ve all had to learn how to take breaks and cool off when a conversation is getting overwhelming, and we’re constantly building up our trust in each other so that yielding power and compromise isn’t as scary. Spending every week for nine years diving into healthy relationship practices and learning about communication tools certainly helps!
You have a new book out today called Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. What’s the book’s premise, how did it come to be, and what did you learn from the process?
DW: Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships offers research-based communication tools and advice for the diverse spectrum of modern relationships — everything from conscious monogamy to radical relationship anarchy. This book is a curated collection of our most popular tools and strategies to enhance communication and foster healthy relationships, drawing from our experiences hosting a podcast about non-monogamy and fielding hundreds of listener questions.
Most of the relationship books out there tend to fall into two camps: “mainstream” books that speak only to people who are in or want to be in traditional, monogamous relationships. These books most often center heterosexual people, married people, and sometimes come with overt religious overtones. The second camp is comprised of the books that are for the relationship “weirdos” — think non-monogamy how-tos, kinky sex manuals, maybe even pick-up artist manifestos. We wanted to create a book that could provide communication resources that would be helpful in a wide range of relationship styles, without erasing the weirdos and without totally scaring off the normies (hopefully).
This is my second book, but it was my first time writing with co-authors. The process was often challenging for me because I tend to be a control freak when it comes to writing (and other areas of life). But it helped to have a sense of safety and trust in my two co-authors after spending so many years working together. I knew that I could trust their feedback, even when it was critical, and I knew that my feedback would be received, even if controversial. I loved that we were able to get beta readers from our listener base who could give their impressions of early drafts, helping us to make the book even better. We’re so proud of the finished result!
What are the three biggest ways podcasting has changed your lives?
DW: We get some of the most phenomenal feedback from listeners. We’ve had listeners tell us that the podcast rescued their marriage, transformed their communication, or saved their lives. I don’t take this to mean that we are hot shit; I think it shows how much people are desperately in need of relationship resources that speak to them. I never thought that podcasting could make such a difference in the world. We’re just three chuckleheads who like to geek out over relationship stuff. But I feel so fortunate to be a part of this work. Podcasting can be a thankless job, and knowing that it’s making a positive impact helps keep me coming back, even when it’s hard.
ESM: Podcasting has almost become my full-time job this last year! I never knew I would find so much fulfillment and joy from getting on the microphone every single week. As a conservatory-trained actor and singer, I get to utilize many of the skills I learned from performing in my work in podcasting. All of the things we learn from this show about how to better our relationship communication skills have changed my life. My relationships with my partner, family, friends, and co-workers have been elevated by the things I learn every week on this show. Getting to interact with the community is something that also has been lovely. It’s deeply humbling when people tell us that the show has changed their lives in big and small ways! Finally, getting to podcast every week with my two best friends is a constant gift that has made my life exponentially better.
JL: There is something truly special about podcasting compared to any other medium. By being so accessible, there is an intimacy and connection that we can feel when listening to a podcast, and it has been a truly life-changing experience to be on the receiving end of that. Getting to hear people’s stories of how our podcast helped them to finally feel like there wasn’t something wrong with them, how much healthier their relationships are, or how our podcast helped them to feel less alone and more connected to a community has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Thank you, Dedeker, Emily, and Jase! And big congrats on the book!
➡️ Multiamory is available wherever you get your podcasts and at multiamory.com.
➡️ Follow the show on social media @multiamory_podcast on Instagram, @multiamory on TikTok, and @multiamory on Twitter.
➡️ Go to multiamory.com/book to order their book, or you can purchase it via Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Bookshop.org, or your local indie bookstore.
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So… ROLL CALL! 🗣
How many episodes have you made so far? Have you thought about turning your podcast into a book?
Follow me @courtneykocak on Twitter and Instagram. For more, check out my website courtneykocak.com.
I thought this was a podcast I was looking for the play now, lol! But hey, thanks for the shoutout and I will be giving you another one as well, mon cherie!